Tell Them That She's Not Scared

It's 6:46 am. I've seen a lot more sunrises than I ever expected to this summer. I don't seem to get any sort of pleasure from sleep nowadays. It seems to be more of a, "Oh the sun is up, I guess I should go to sleep now" rather than a, "Oh I can't wait to go to sleep and get some rest". But then I end up sleeping all day. It's weird. I think I just feel like I'm missing something, like I should be doing something, but instead I'm sleeping. I'm going to have to get over that now that I'm working again though.

Saturday was Emery, Envy On The Coast, and The Almost at The Masquerade. The show was amazing. This was my 4th time seeing Emery, and again I ended up watching them from the back lol. But they were amazing as usual. They played a new song from their upcoming EP and it was awesome. It was more of a dancey song, yet still very Emery-esq. Loved it.

Envy killed it as usual. I swear, every time I see them, I fall more and more in love. I would be intimidated if I were in a band that had to play with Envy. They are just such amazing musicians. Honestly to me it almost feels like a religious experience seeing them play. I just get this feeling of euphoria and elation for those 30 or so minutes. God they're so good. I just don't think I can explain it in words. It's something you've just got to experience. Love them.

Now I knew The Almost was going to be good because I saw them at Warped Tour, but that was so long ago that I kinda forgot. But I didn't think that they would be as amazing as they were that night. Aaron is definitely an amazing frontman. And I don't know why, but I felt this sense of pride watching him play. I'm just so dang proud of him lol. This is The Almost's first headlining tour and they did it up. "Amazing Because It Is" was beautiful!!! Another great crowd sing-a-long. Brought me to tears.

It was over all a great night. And a great way to spend my last day before I started work; which by the way wasn't too bad I guess. It was just weird being back.

I'm letting go and giving God control in a certain aspect of my life. I know I should give it all to Him and just let Him guide me, but honestly I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. It's kinda scary. But I know for things to be right, I'll have to do it. It's that fear of losing control that I'm struggling with. It's the same reason why I don't drink or do drugs. I have to be in control of myself and my actions at all times and I don't want anything inhibiting that. I hate that I feel like I'm giving God a trial run or something. Like if this works out then yeah I'll trust Him and give in. I don't want it to be like that but I can't help it. It's definitely going to be a day by day thing. And I'm going to have to try very hard to make it not about what I want, but what's right for me according to Him.

I'll hold your tears as ransom
Within the palm of my hand
And tell you once again,
Don't tell me that you're scared
-Envy On The Coast