Keep The Mood

Geeze Louise someone was mad in that last post.
Hahaha....
Very rarely do I let my emotions out like that, even in blog form.
But I just had to let it out since I couldn't actually tell the person.

I pray that I'll never get that mad again.
That feeling sucks.
I just wanna be happy.
And keep the mood.

I think I'm getting sick. :(
It's probably all those late night walks in the cold lol.
But! They're working.
I've already lost like 7 pounds!

That's really exciting for me.
I'm starting to feel better and have much more energy.
I don't feel like a blob anymore lol.
But I do have a loooong way to go.

I hate that I let myself to to this point with my weight.
But it's just motivation to get back down to what I use to be.
And I've got Lauren working with me, so that helps a ton!
I'm totally doing it for myself, but I do secretly hope that someone else will notice it too.

T-15 days if things still go as planned.
And God I hope they do.
I really really really hope they do.

Honestly I will stand by your side till the end
Till the end
Honestly I will stand by your side till the end
Till the end
I offer you my loving hand till the end
-LoveHateHero

Fuck You!

I don't even have any clever song titles or lyrics to title this post.
Just simply FUCK YOU!
Because that's what I want to scream at the top of my lungs right now.
I have never in my life had somebody make me feel so horrible.
I have never felt so hurt, useless, used, shitty, worthless...
And the sad thing is, you don't even fucking realize it.

That was my biggest fear, feeling used.
Congratulations, you've made that one happen.
I am so tired of my thoughts revolving around you all day everyday, and them not making me happy anymore.
Everybody gets down/upset sometimes, that's fucking normal.
But there's no need to make others feel like shit especially when they're reaching out to you to try and help.
I'm tired of feeling like the only one that seems to care anymore.

"How's your day? How's work? How are you feeling?"
I would love to be asked these things again sometimes.

I just don't understand how things changed so fucking fast.
They went from wonderful to miserable in a matter of weeks.
How the hell did I go from falling asleep happy to crying myself to sleep??
It's so fucking frustrating trying to figure things out sometimes.
And I hate feeling this way and NEVER thought you would be the one to make me feel like this.

I don't hate you.
As a matter of fact, I love you more than anything.
And you know that.
I know that you're a good person and you've got a good heart.
And I would like to think that you would never do these things intentionally.

Why can't things just be the way they use to?
Could you please just tell me what happened to make things change so much so fast?
I care about you too much and have put way too much into this relationship.
I deserve something back at least.

I just need to know that I'm not wasting my time on something that's not going anywhere.
Because this is starting to hurt way too much and I don't know how much more I can take.
I've told you countless times that I am willing and wanting to make this work.
Obviously.
Just let me know that you are too.

I am not ready to give up on you.

God I hope this is a phase that will soon be over.
And that things are gonna change for the better for us.
You've got my heart. Remember that.