Want!

The complete series of ThunderCats on DVD.

If you love me, you'll buy me this.

:)

We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.

-Oscar Wilde

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

I don't know what to title this entry...

This blog has become so fucking depressing lol. But I guess it's my inner feelings that I would never/can't tell people. It's way cheaper than therapy anyway. I usually feel better after I blog, so I guess it's serving its purpose.

I'm going to start another blog soon that will be dedicated to the two things I love the most:

Music & Baking

That is what's keeping me sane at the moment.

And I'd rather not interdisperse it with this blog.

I'll keep this my emo blog haha.

Maybe one day I'll be truly happy again and this will become my happy/fun blog.

But until then...

:(

I've never had someone be so mean to me in my entire life.
And I don't know why.
It hurts so much to not understand how someone could hate me so much.
And I honestly don't know what I did.

I feel like such a horrible person.

And apparently I am.
And I can't do anything right.
And nobody cares about me.

But I'm going to continue to love and just never expect it back.

Because this is twice now and I can't take it anymore.

I just want to fucking be happy.

Confession #12

I wish you could at least act like you give a damn. Geeze.

Over the summer I was your "baby" and now talking with you is like pulling teeth. You know it would be nice if you called me once in a while. And I absolutely love how our conversations never last more than 3 minutes anymore. If we make it to 5 minutes then it's been a good night.

Why can't it be like summer again?

I don't understand why I am only allowed a few months of happiness at a time with people.

It seems plenty of guys want to fuck me, but none of them want to actually date me.

That makes me feel oh so wonderful.

Thanks guys.

Confession #11

I just want someone to hold hands with.

I want a love like this.

Confession #10

I'm just some stupid girl you met on the internet.

I'm just some stupid girl that fell in love.

I'm just some stupid girl that takes love too seriously.

I'm just some stupid girl that has too many feelings.

I'm just some stupid girl that doesn't mean anything to anyone.

I'm just some stupid girl.

Confession #9

Nobody loves me and neither do I.

it's a fact.

ask around.

Confesson #8

I almost went through with it Friday night.

It was fucking scary.

But I called Hope and she talked me out of it.

There's too much worth living for.

I'll continue to focus all my energy on love and making sure those around me feel loved.

I just have to remember to Be Calm.

It'll be okay and I'll be okay.

Be Calm.

As I walk through the streets of my new city
my back feeling much better, I suppose
I’ve reclaimed the use of my imagination
for better or for worse, I’ve yet to know
but I always knew you’d be the one to understand me,
I guess that’s why it took so long to get things right.
Suddenly I’m lost
On my street
On my block

Oh why, Oh why
Oh why haven’t you been there for me?
Can’t you see, I’m losing my mind this time?
This time it’s for real, I can see

The tops of trees are turning red
The beggars near bodegas grin at me
I think they want something
I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe

and be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes.
Be calm.

I’m scared that everyone is out to get me.
“These days before you speak to me you pause.”
“I always see you looking out your window.”
“After all, you lost your band, you left your mom.”
Now every single crack, every penny that I pass,
says I should either leave or pick it up
But with every single buck I’ve made
I’m saddled with bad luck that came

the moment I was baptized
or when I found out one day I’m gonna die
if only I could find my people or my place in life
and when they come a’carolin’
so loud, so bright, the theremin
will lead us to a chorus
where we’ll all rejoice and sing a song that goes:

Oh be calm.
Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes,
Be calm.
Take it from me, I’ve been there a thousand times.
You hate your pulse because it thinks you’re still alive
and everything’s wrong
It just gets so hard sometimes
Be calm.

I don’t remember much that night,
Just walking, thinking fondly of you
Thinking how the worst is yet to come
When from that street corner came a song
And I can’t remember the man,
The panhandler or his melody.
The words exchanged had far exceeded any change I’d given thee.

Confession #7

My Chemical Romance saved my life.

Literally.

Summer before senior year of high school I went through a major depression and basically felt like there was nothing worth living for. It was more than an emo moment. A lot more.

A combination of "Bullets" and "Three Cheers" is what stopped me.

Gerard Way almost went through with it and the band saved his life.

And his band saved mine.

He said that life is too fucking precious and I believed him.

Now I try to live my life for others so no one else will ever have to feel like I did. I don't ever want anyone to feel like they've got nobody or that no one cares for them.

Ever.

Confession #6

If I ever make it to England I'm pretty positive I won't come back.

There is absolutely nothing here for me.

Nothing.

Confession #5

Apparently I'd rather be with someone that treats me like shit than be alone.

I wish I could have the strength to just be alone, but I don't.

I don't want to be alone.

I'm pretty pathetic.

Honestly.

Confession #4

I have no idea what I want to do with my life after college. I still feel like I'm not good at anything worth while.