Confession #3

Sometimes I feel sad that my dad has to live alone. His wife moved back to California with my 2 little sisters and she's been out there for a while so I'm pretty sure she's going to divorce him.

But then sometimes I don't feel sad because if he treated her the same way he treated my mom, then he had it coming.

He's never been a good father to myself or my little sister Ashley, but we're older so it doesn't affect us now as much I think. I just worry about Milan and Thalia. They're 5 and 2 years old. They are probably going to have to go through the same things Ashley and I went through with him. Basically him not being there for us. And I don't want them to have to go through that. They're too young now to realize it, but it's going to affect them in the long run.

My mom blames the fact that he didn't have a dad growing up as to why he's not a good father. He doesn't know how to be one.

But I think that's bullshit. There are plenty of men who didn't have dads and they're good fathers. You would think that he wouldn't want to make the same mistake with his kids. But I guess not.

This has defintiely affected me a lot more than I think I let people know, even my mom who I pretty much tell everything to.

I don't know what this means for me though. And I don't know how I'm going to handle it when I finally can't take it anymore. :/

New semester. New Classes. New Beginning.

One week of school done, about 15 more to go lol. It actually went much faster than I expected. I think I'm going to like this semester. All my classes are pretty cool I guess. Here's what my schedule looks like:

Monday:
2:30-3:20 ENGL 4330 Youtube to the Facebook Hamlet
3:35-6:35 ENGL 4640 Film as Literature (movie viewing)

Tuesday:
9:30-10:45 ENGL 3100 Intro to British Culture
11:00-12:15 ENGL 4670 20th Century British Novel
3:30-4:45 ENGL 4640 Film as Literature

Wednesday:
2:30-3:20 ENGL 4330 Youtube to the Facebook Hamlet

Thursday:
9:30-10:45 ENGL 3100 Intro to British Culture
11:00-12:15 ENGL 4670 20th Century British Novel
3:30-4:45 ENGL 4640 Film as Literature

Friday:
2:30-3:20 ENGL 4330 Youtube to the Facebook Hamlet

In addition to that, I work Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 7:30am-2pm. This is the first time in 3 years where I haven't worked nights, so it's pretty nice. Well except I don't really like the morning people very much. I don't know, it's just a different atmosphere. And I'm not very fond of getting up at 6am now haha. But you do what you gotta do right?

Oh I guess I never mentioned, I got a new job promotion. I still work at the dining hall, but I'm a clerical now, so I work in the office. I answer phones, organize the office, order supplies, run the register, and a plethora of other random tasks. It's not too exciting, but I get paid more and I don't have to wear a smock anymore haha. Now I get to wear a nifty polo. And that means I'll never have to work in the dish room ever again!

I think I'll go into more about my classes later. It's already 1am and I've got to get up at 6. And The Mighty Boosh is on. I have to watch it no matter how many times I've seen it haha.

love everybody

Confession #2

I know it's tremendously bad because of my asthma, but I like to smoke now.

The smell of cigarette smoke has always been a comfort to me for some reason. I think it stems from the million of times I've been to The Masquerade and always leaving smelling like smoke.

Brings back good memories.

I do hate the way it makes my fingers and hair smell.

But I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.

Confession #1

I've based my whole life around the concept of love and loving everyone. And I do.

But it hurts so fucking much when you love everyone, yet nobody loves you.

I need it too.

Seriously.

He writes good storylines, he's got those honest eyes

William Beckett- The Academy Is

Nobody's perfect.

But if I had to pick someone who comes close in my mind, it would be William.

Stutter and all.

If I could meet someone half as amazing as him I would be content.

"He's got a decent voice, he's got that crooked smile.

Hold on, you haven't heard the best yet.

He writes good story lines, he's got those honest eyes.

So take him home for just $9.95.

He'll sing the songs you like, he'll keep you warm at night."

-Classifieds

Sometimes I need to be reminded...

It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching for any sign
Of the ones he used to love..

He says he's got nothing left to live for
(He says he's got nothing left...)
And this time I think you'll know..

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

She's just like him
Spoiled rotten
Confused by the lies she's been fed
And she's searching for no one..
(But herself)
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she is here
And this time I think you'll know...

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out

(There is more to know)

We're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell...
(So tell me)

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(Make it out)
You will live to tell
(Live to tell)
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
(And I know)
You can make it out
You will live to tell..

You are not alone.
You're not, you're not alone.

-Saosin

Like a Virgin...

I love this picture.

Who doesn't love Madonna circa 1984?

Four years before I was born.

"Fuckin shit up since 1988"

Describes me in a nutshell.

I need that on a shirt or something.

Last night was horrible and tonight isn't any better.

I really just want to get fucked up tonight.

But I think it's kinda sad getting drunk by yourself.

And on the other hand, I don't really care.

Plus lately I'm always by myself.

"You're not an alcoholic if you're in college."