I deserve the world...

January 24, 2010

And someone who wants to give it to me.

I deserve someone who is willing to work as hard as I do.

I deserve someone that wants to take care of me.

I deserve someone unselfish.

I deserve someone that has goals.

I deserve someone that doesn't expect me to take care of everything.

I deserve someone encouraging of me and that wants to help me succeed.

I deserve someone that wants to build a life with me, not let me do all the work.

I deserve to be treated better than this.

I've got a secret. It's on the tip of my tounge, it's on the back of my lungs...

January 13, 2010

Oli Sykes

This man is mine and Ashley's goal for summer 2010 lol. Bring Me The Horizon is playing Warped Tour this year(!!!!!) and Ashley and I have every intention of seeing them as many times as possible.

They're from England. They aren't here that often lol. And our goal is to get Oli to take us back to England with them. I think we can make it happen.

This is one of my fave BMTH pictures. It was my background forever. Oli's pout is just too adorable. He's just so pretty lol. And the fact that he's English makes him even better lol.

Gahh, I can't wait to see them! It's gonna be pretty epic haha.

The Nicest Thing

January 13, 2010

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and...

January 11, 2010

Okay first off I just realized that the date of my posts aren't showing up with my new layout here. Lame. But I like this layout so I'm just gonna have to remember to start putting the date at the top or something. I just like to know when I wrote things lol.

In other news, so 2009 was a pretty good year in terms of weight loss for me. Overall I loss about 35 pounds. That was from January to about August. I could tell I lost some weight and I went down in clothes sizes, but apparently it was a pretty noticeable change because everyone commented on it lol. Sometimes it was weird to hear because they'd be like, "Oh! You've lost so much weight! You're so much smaller now! God, look at you!" and it made me feel like I used to look like a whale or something lol. My Grandpa even told me I was half the woman I use to be! o.O I know he was joking and meant well, but dang lol.

But when last Fall semester started I stopped going to the gym completely and wasn't really watching what I ate. I just got soooo busy with school and work and everything else going on in my life. But surprisingly I didn't really gain that much weight back. I might have gone up a few pounds, but nothing drastic. Around November I started taking birth control pills and one of the major side effects of that is weight gain so that kinda freaked me out. But I've been on them for about 2 months now, and again, I can't say that I see much of a difference(thank goodness).

But for 2010 I want to get back into working out and eating healthier. With my handy dandy new iPhone I got for Christmas I've got this app called Lose It! that helps me track what I eat, how much and how much I exercise. I set a pre-determined weight loss goal and it tells me day by day how many calories I should eat and such. I've been using it for about a week now and I really like it and can tell it's really going to help me.

I guess since nobody really reads this blog I can say how much I weigh lol. I started my "diet" I guess I'll call it, and exercising last week. And with my Lose It! app I set my target goal to lose 30 lbs by May. To reach that I'll have to lose at least 2 lbs per week. My starting weight was 185 and today I'm down to 180! I can't believe I lost 5 lbs in one week lol. I think my scale might be a bit off lol. Even if it is a little off, it still makes me feel good and is keeping me motivated.

Right now it's a little easier eat healthy since I work at a dinning hall and have a ton of options to choose from. And when I'm home I've got those healthy frozen dinners and such. I think what's really helping me is that I'm actually eating more frequently during the day but it's healthy foods. I use to never eat breakfast but now I have a bowl of Special K red berries every day lol. The only soda I drink is Diet Coke which is 0 calories, but I'm still trying to cut down on that too and drink a lot more water. And that's not just for weight loss, I know it makes my skin look better too. I've totally eliminated sweets for now, but there's no telling how long that will last lol. It's hard to be a baker and not eat sweets hahaha.

And as far as exercise, I'm going to the gym pretty regularly. I mostly just do cardio work outs. Right now it's a combination of the stationary bike, elliptical, and tread mill. Soon I know I'm going to need to throw in some targeted area work outs like working on my abs(or lack there of lol) and toning my flabby arms lol. And I absolutely HATE my thighs so I am willing to do ANYTHING to get those slimmer and more toned lol. I need to look up some good work outs for those. And when it's not 20 degrees out side I'll definitely start walking again. My night walks were always my favorite exercise. It gave me time to be alone and think and listen to my music.

So yeah, I'll try to keep up with my progress on here. Maybe I'll start posting pictures to...wait you know what? No, no pictures hahahaha. Not until I reach my goal lol. Well, I'm actually going to go work out now. It's nice having my afternoons free so I can get in a work out that's not a 10 at night haha. :)

LO

VE

Come on America, let's get with it.

This is what my Winter break consisted of lol. My roommate Kat got seasons 1 & 2 on dvd so I took them home and watched them way too many times lol. I'm still so upset that HBO isn't bringing the show back for a 3rd season. It's probably one of the funniest, most unique, and most creative shows on television. I think people just don't get this kind of humor. The only other show I would compare it to on all those levels is The Mighty Boosh.

Speaking of The Mighty Boosh, I definitely didn't know that Adult Swim stopped showing it Sunday nights :( My parents don't have cable right now so I couldn't watch AS over the break so when I came back to my apartment last Sunday I was so excited to watch it. But no. I need to just get the DVDs. I have every episode and the live DVD on my old laptop. But since that's out of commission that's no good to me lol. I wish they would do an American tour already. They have plenty of American fans. Their panels sold out at Comi Con. That should mean something lol.

OMG if I could get a Flight of the Conchords and Mighty Boosh tour I would freak the fuck out!! And then try to convince the Mighty Boosh to take me back to England with them lol.

Oh yeah, 2011 = the year me and Ashley FINALLY go to England! I don't care what has to happen, but we're going dammit. We've got a year to save up for it. More on those plans later :D

LO

VE

It's 2010...say whaaa???

I can't believe it's 2010. Like really? Have I really been in college for 4 years already?? Am I really graduating this year...probably not, but eh whatever haha. Nobody's gonna rush me. I'm aiming for Dec. 2010, but we'll see about that.

I for one can say thank God 2009 is over. It was probably the worst year of my life. The only good things that happened was I turned 21 and I met Alex.

So yeah, Alex. Hmm...I kinda like him I guess lol. And by "like" I mean love. It's not been easy though. At all lol. I feel like I spend more time pissed off at him than anything lol. But there's just something about that boy that I can't explain. He told me he loved me first, which was nice. I just wish he would show it a little more. I understand that he doesn't have the money to buy me things and stuff like that, but I don't even need that kinda stuff. I just feel like I'm not a priority to him sometimes. And it doesn't help when he's friends with soooo many girls. And I've never been the jealous type in my life, but it's hard not to be when I know first hand how flirtatious he is.

I do hate that we really don't talk much though. Our phone conversations never last very long. I want the type of conversations that last for hours...talking until 4 or 5 in the morning. Not the type of convos that start at 4 or 5 in the morning and only last for 5 minutes. And that's all our conversations. I guess some people aren't like that, but I wish he was.

I think the thing that bugs me the most though is I feel like he's trying to hide our relationship sometimes though. He doesn't want to say that we're "in a relationship" on facebook, which isn't a big deal because I'm already in a relationship with my best friend Ashley on there, but still. And he doesn't like for me to leave him comments. Anytime I do he deletes them. He says it's because his friends give him a hard time and he doesn't like to have personal information on there. I honestly think it's bull shit though. I don't give a damn what his friends think and neither should he. I told him that, but of course he doesn't see it that way. I think he just doesn't want all the other girls he talks to to know that he has a girlfriend.

Oh and I didn't even know that we were BF/GF until he called me his GF one day...yeah.

And there's no telling what his family knows. Family is extremely important to me. My mom and step dad and sisters know all about him and he's met them. I've never met any of his family, and he hardly ever talks about them. I've spoken to his brother Richard before, when Alex got arrested. I talked to him through facebook messages to see what was happening and such. I never told him that I was his girlfriend though, and now I wish I had because I doubt Alex has told him. I've never talked to his sister and I don't really know much about her. But I would love to get to know his family and I don't understand why he doesn't want me too. :/ As Alex would say...le sigh.

We'll see what 2010 has to hold for me and Alex. Getting to know his family more is something that I'm probably going to have to make happen. Hopefully all the little issues I have will work themselves out. I want nothing more for this to work between us. I love him.

Well I start back work tomorrow...blahhh. I am not looking forward to getting up at 6am again. But it must be done. I've got big plans for 2010. I'll save those for another post.

LO
VE